Bringing awareness to our communication though, provides us with a powerful window into our conversing partner’s world, allowing us to understand their filters, triggers and truths. Fliss shares the rationale behind what influences communication, and shares tools and tactics from the Boardroom that are absolutely transferable around the birthing pool. 

What influences our communications?

Language is a multi-faceted, multi-dimensional construct through which we view, assess, and respond to the world around us. Regardless of culture, heritage, or the language(s) we speak, it’s all for the same purpose – to share information, better understand, and connect. But each of us possess personal experiences and biases, and we must bring a conscious awareness to this. 

Think of language as the boat we navigate the world in (or through), while communication is the ocean on which we travel. There are some universal truths in communication:

• Personal View on the World

Each of us sees the world through our own distinct and personal filters – imagine a stained-glass-window-style of sunglasses. Each and every pane is made up of personal experiences, events, education, and the cultural paradigm through which we experience life. It colours and shapes what we see, making it your truth but not *the* truth.

• Science of Words

Words matter, and they differ in their understanding. The denotation of a word is its literal dictionary definition; the connotation is the societally-approved understanding; and the semantic density of a word is more related to the word’s personal resonance and context for individuals. These can vary from person-to-person, influenced by all and everything around you, including your location, your profession, your opinions, your experiences, or your religion. And this is why they very often lie at the very heart of miscommunication and subsequent disempowerment. 

• Emotional and Physical State

We must also consider our emotional and physical state when we’re engaging in communication. We each have words or phrases that carry some emotional baggage and may cause us to react (either positively or negatively). These are called Hot Buttons, and (often unbeknownst to our conversing partner) can trigger a genuine and significant psychological response. 

The actual science - being triggered into a fight or flight situation sees the amygdala in our lower brain become engaged, preventing us from accessing all logical, rational, and reasoning faculties housed in our neo-cortex. This results in us becoming hijacked by a flood of hormones, such as cortisol, adrenaline, and testosterone, meaning we cannot ‘talk ourselves down’ until we’re physically ready and able. 

• Hydration and Nutrition

Even our level of hydration and nutritional wellbeing will impact (positively or negatively) our perception and understanding of language used. 

How to Achieve Compelling Communications During Delivery?

Recognising and respecting personal differences allows us to make initial progress towards connection and understanding, and ultimately achieving rapport in communications. But add into this the environment of birth, and we begin to face a potential uphill struggle to be heard, and for pregnant or labouring women to empower themselves in setting boundaries, seeking information, or requesting the type of delivery they desire. But there are some core ways we can achieve this - and they’re the same regardless of whether we’re in the Boardroom or around the birthing pool: 

• Assert from Empowerment

We’re psychologically programmed to respond to visual cues of authority – especially a white lab coat and stethoscope. And with some medical professionals reliant on technical language or referring to the birthing mother in third person, disconnect can occur. 

While acknowledging the expertise and earned kudos of a medical professional, individuals should also reassert their power and position to begin forming a collaborative and united union. 

• Question, Check and Challenge

When decisions or assumptions are being made around care, there may be times when individuals haven’t been involved, or feel uncomfortable. It’s important to feel able and empowered to question, check, and challenge, and to have the confidence in how to powerfully and effectively action this.

• Exert Boundaries

While unusual for medical professionals to not respect questions and queries, it’s not unheard of. So, it’s crucial to have phrases and words available to exert and defend boundaries when appropriate. 

However words and language are used, bringing a conscious awareness to filters and preferences (and to those around you) will clear a swathe of space to allow more connected conversations and communication to take place. 

For more tools and tactics on how to achieve truly compelling communications in the delivery suite, check out the latest issue of IJBPE where Fliss draws back the veil - even further - on how to assist in communicating: www.ijbpe.com/journals/volume-10/68-vol-10-issue-3.