All words hold significance but without becoming all Orwellian about it, some words hold more significance than others.

Every person you encounter will have a bank of words and phrases that mean something to them, whether they're carrying positive or negative baggage. This collection will differ wildly depending on each individual you converse with, and so it’s important to be mindful of the potential triggers some words may have, and how they could be perceived by others. 

Words have official meanings that are universally recognised. For example, the denotation of a word is the dictionary definition. The connotation is the societally-approved interpretation of that word (this can depend on the cultural paradigm that you’re experiencing it through, and can often alter over time). And then we have semantic density (or semantic packing) which is what the word means to you personally.

Watch out for key words, called Hot Buttons, which give you a great insight into what someone is thinking or feeling. Someone might describe being ‘angry’ and so to help build rapport and warmth, don’t impose other emotions onto them, instead repeat their exact words back to them. For example, ‘I am sorry to hear that you’re feeling angry’. They have gifted you an insight into their world – so, take it and use it, and watch your exchange deepen. 

There are a multitude of other powerful ways to encourage a positive relationship between yourself and your conversing partner. One of which is the use of matching and mirroring, and matching with someone's vocabulary works wonders. For example, are they using lots of technical jargon, or are they more heavily reliant on plain English? Do they enjoy using descriptive words? Try to understand their ways of communicating, and subtly match your syntax to theirs, too. Not only will this add to the experience but it'll have a positive influence on how they feel about you. 

Meet the Author

As one of the UK's leading experts in the applied psychology of language, Fliss has helped Boards, leadership teams, and c-suite executives from across the world to communicate with influence, integrity, and impact. A psycholinguist, voice dialogue, and NLP Practitioner, Fliss is also trained in influence and persuasion, and behavioural psychology, and is a certified empowerment coach and trainer. Fliss heads-up The Ultimate Advantage, a dedicated language and communications mastery coaching and training consultancy, as well as Zen Communications, a successful PR and content agency. She regularly speaks on all aspects of compelling communication and is a popular podcast guest.